Ever Heard of Lifetree Cafe???

I have some exciting news to share! We are going to be featured in an episode of Lifetree Cafe!!!

Ok, I’ll back up and explain a little :) I used to work at Conscious Cup Coffee, a family owned coffee shop that hosts a Lifetree Cafe after hours on Wed evenings. This particular Lifetree Cafe location is sponsored by Willow Creek Church. I worked this event every week and got to know the couple who lead it, Sheila and Peter Halasz. I also had the privilege of meeting the National Director, Craig Cable, last Oct. We have all become great friends and they have helped me through the good and the bad of Kylie’s pregnancy. Sheila has been particularly instrumental in helping us acquire donated baby items and other help we’ve needed. I owe her a huge debt of gratitude for her generosity and willingness to jump right in.

Anyway, I’ve so wanted to reach other parents like us about our experience.  As I found, even though there are millions of teens out there facing unplanned pregnancies, there’s very little support to be found for the parents of these teens, which is why I started my blog. I then reached out to Craig about being featured for a Lifetree episode. After consulting with his group, they agreed to do it! Craig and his crew are flying in from Denver (Lifetree’s home base) this Friday to interview and film us for the episode! I’m so excited and grateful for this opportunity!!!!

For those of you not familiar with Lifetree Cafe, it’s a safe, nonjudgemental place for people to gather and talk about life topics from a spiritual perspective. Like I said before, this particular Lifetree is sponsored by Willow Creek Church. Although sponsored by various churches, Lifetree is not religion based and is a very comfortable environment no matter what your religious affiliation may, or may not, be.   Here’s a link for you to click on so you can learn more about Lifetree, and find a meeting place near you!  It’s nationwide!!

http://lifetreecafe.com

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Continuing To Catch up…Kylie Is My New Hero

As though Kylie didn’t do enough to earn the title of “Hero” during labor and delivery, she has continued proving what a “Hero” she is since. Her maternal instincts never cease to amaze me. To be a 15 yr old who’s the baby of 4 girls, she’s proving to be such a great mommy. Not gonna lie, we were really concerned about her ability and willingness to take care of a baby. I thought for sure she would assume and expect her dad and me to become the primary caregivers. It’s been the exact opposite. I have to convince her it’s ok for her to ask for help. I’ve had to almost beg her to get me up with her and Dominic at night so I can help her. Although breastfeeding didn’t go well for her, it was important to her for Dominic to get breastmilk, so she pumps everytime he eats. Therefore, feeding times end up taking much longer, so I like to get up with her so she can pump while I feed him so she can get as much sleep as possible.  She does all of this, around the clock, without complaining and even cheerfully sometimes.  She’s a great kid and a great mommy who’s having to grow up so fast, and is doing so with incredible grace.

This whole situation is still proving to be such a blessing in our lives for so many reasons. Don’t get me wrong, life is not all roses right now. Dominic is waking up quite a bit at night, Kylie is exhausted and possibly falling into postpartum depression, there are still bumps in the marriage we’re continuing to overcome, as well as feeling overwhelmed with jobs, helping with the baby, trying to keep up the house, preparing for Kylie to start school and getting her lined up with the homebound program, getting everyone to their doctor appts, and last but not least…knowing when I need to step back and not “help” too much. How do you know where to draw the line? But we’re doing it, and Kylie is a real champ.

Despite Kylie’s struggles, she is still very connected with Dominic. One of the concerns with postpartum depression is the mother disconnecting from the baby and no longer wanting to care for them. That is not the case with Kylie. She remains VERY connected and tuned in with him.

Are you sensing the chaotic bliss we’re experiencing??? :)

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Lots Of Catching Up To Do! First The Birth…

It’s been a long time since I blogged.  You would’ve thought I would’ve had plenty of time during the two weeks I took off from work to be home with Kylie and Dominic, but nope.  So I’m going to attempt to catch you up on everything that’s happened in the last, almost 4 weeks now, since Dominic was born.  I will likely do that over the next few posts so none of them get too lengthy.   It’s amazing how the blessings and positivity keep rolling in when you finally let go of all the negative, and all the bad stuff.  Here’s to hoping I can keep that trend going!

First, the birth.  There are no words to describe how proud of, and in awe I am, of Kylie.   She is a warrior!!!  She went into labor on Tues night,  July 9th.  She had experienced so much Braxton Hicks activity for so long, some of it very regular and intense, we weren’t even timing contractions anymore.  But Tues night, they seemed a little closer together than usual, so we thought ok, let’s time them just to see.  We tracked for an hour and a half and they were no more than 5 min apart!!!  Cris was upstairs in his “mancave” with a couple of friends, so I went up and said calmly “It’s time to go”  He looked at me so perplexed while one of the guys said “oh!”  Cris thought I was simply telling him it was time for his friends to leave…Lol!!!  He didn’t realize I was saying it was time to go to the hospital!  The only person who got what I said was the only 20 something in the room that said “Oh!”  He was also the only one in the room that wasn’t a father.  I thought that was hilarious!  Cris finally did realize what was going on and we got our stuff together and left for the hospital.  Kylie’s contractions were relatively strong and close together, still 3-5 min apart.

After we got to the hospital, of course they hooked Kylie up to monitors, then checked her.  She was only 2.5 – 3 cm, but they kept her to watch and see what would happen.  After a few more hours she was barely over 3, so the doctor was called and she gave instructions to go ahead and keep Kylie.  I knew it was going to be a long night…and it was.  The next morning the doctor came in and checked Kylie about 7 or 7:30 and Kylie was still barely over 3.   I was so glad when the doctor announced she was going to break Kylie’s water rather than send her home.  Within an hour or so, Kylie’s contractions started intensifying and getting even closer together.  I knew Kylie really wanted an epidural, but didn’t want to keep asking her if she was ready.  That might break down her ability to hang in there, and if you get the epidural too soon, it can slow labor down.  Kylie also knew this and wanted to go as long as she could without so she could keep labor going.  Eventually, her contractions were getting strong enough that she asked for pain meds.  That was funny!  Kylie got so loopy on those pain meds, and was quite funny.  Then the meds wore off…I couldn’t believe how well she was handling her contractions.  Both with and without meds, when a contraction hit, she closed her eyes grabbed hold of whatever was close to her, chair arm, bed rail, my hands, her boyfriend’s hands and her best friend’s hands, squeezed hard and just breathed.  That was it.  No screaming, no moaning, no banging her hands on anything… nothing but focus.

Finally around 1 pm or so, she said, “Mom, I think I’m ready for my epidural”  I told her no problem and got the nurse.  When the nurse came in, she told Kylie to move from the rocking chair into the bed so she could check her.  When Kylie stood up she said “I really feel like I need to push”  to which the nurse responded, “that’s probably just pressure.  You can’t be at the point of needing to push, you were only at 3.5 a few hours ago.  But let’s see what’s going on”  Kylie gets in the bed, the nurse checks her, looks at me and says “She’s at 10!”  Kylie looks at me panicked and says, “No epidural?!?!?”  I said, “No Honey, but you’re almost done now!  You got this!!”  Kylie is now saying, quite calmly I might add, “I need to push.  I really need to push”.  The nurse called for another nurse and told her to call the doctor, and get her here quick.  Then the nurse had to hold the baby in and told Kylie to try to do “mini pushes” until the doctor arrived.  I’m thinking “What the heck are “mini pushes”???”   How do you “mini push” at this point???  But Kylie did.  She was calm, she was in control and she was focused like I’ve never seen anyone be before in my life.  The nurses were amazed and said even THEY couldn’t believe her control and focus.

The doctor arrived in maybe 15 min or so, and rushed over to Kylie as she finished getting geared up.  When Kylie got the urge to push, she grabbed my hands, pulled them up in the air, pushed against them like she was pushing against a wall, and squeezed as hard as she could.  The most sound she made, was this long grunting sound.  Still… no screaming.  She pushed for 8 min, and while I watched, at 1:27 pm, Dominic was born.  The doctor pulled him out and held him up for a second before handing him to Kylie.  The look on her face was priceless.  Her eyes were huge and her jaw was practically on the floor.  It was such a look of sheer amazement.  I wish I could’ve taken a picture of it.  Then they laid him on her chest.  At that point I burst into tears.  When they took him a few min later to clean him up, she grabbed me and hugged me saying she did it and she loved me…over and over.  As the doctor was finishing up with Kylie, she looked at her and said, “Girl, you just put every woman on the planet to shame…including me”   Like I said, she was a warrior and I couldn’t be prouder or more in awe!!  IMG_2484

A few min later, I remembered that months earlier, we were considering adoption.  I walked over to my husband and said “Can you imagine being right here, right now but with an adoptive family waiting to take the baby?  I can’t”  I know I’ve said this before, but I owe so much thanks to all of you for helping save us from that fate.  It’s just a few weeks down the road, and I can already hardly imagine our lives without Dominic.  Thank you all so very much…again!

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Busy, Panic, Busy, Busy…A Snapshot Into This Past Week

This past week has been a very busy and exciting week! We had shower #2 this past Sat, with of course all the preparation that goes with that, my oldest flew in from Denver for it and since she’s getting married next summer, we went wedding dress shopping. The crib came in so we put that together, finished the nursery and we also had a “false alarm” with Kylie. Whew!

Erika flew in Wed am and she wanted to do some wedding dress shopping while she was here so I could participate. I was so anxious and stressed about the shower and prepping for the baby (we’re only 2 weeks from the due date), that the “OCD” side of me wanted to ONLY focus on those two things. It just felt too overwhelming to try to fit in anything else, other than which of Erika’s favorite meals and restaurants we would try to get to. However, I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. So I sucked it up, and we went wedding dress shopping. Her best friend from high school met us since she is one of the Maids of Honor and her little girl is the flower girl. They too tried on dresses, as did Kylie since Kylie is a bridesmaid. Kylie looked so cute with her belly poking out from under a bridesmaid’s dress! They all looked beautiful! Erika was gorgeous, but nothing “wowed” her. We finished our day with a late lunch/early dinner, stopped at the store, then went home.

Thursday morning we chilled a little then started getting ready to do more wedding dress shopping and shower shopping. In the middle of everyone getting dressed, and just as I stepped out of the shower, Kylie knocked on my door. She has a habit of always needing something while I’m in my bathroom getting dressed, so I got aggravated and shouted “Really Kylie? Why do you always choose when I’m in the bathroom to knock? You aren’t 5 anymore! What this time?!?!” I cracked my door, her eyes were wide and she had a slightly panicked look on her face. She says “Mom, I think something is happening. I think my water maybe broke. Something is trickling” At that point, I felt like a schmuck. I told her, since it was only a trickle, finish getting cleaned up (it may be her last chance for a few days), and I’d call the doctor. We all finished showering and got our hospital bags packed figuring we’d be heading to the hospital (Kylie’s had her’s packed for 2 weeks now). I called our doctor and she agreed to meet us at her office so she could test the fluid to see if it was amniotic fluid. We were there for about 30 min or so while she examined Kylie and swabbed the fluid. She said Kylie’s bag felt intact and she didn’t think it broke, but she was going to test the fluid anyway. We waited…Finally, the doctor came back in the room and announced, it was not amniotic fluid. Kylie’s water had not broken. It was kinda funny because although Kylie was nervous and a little panicked about having the baby that day, when she found out that wasn’t the case, she was so disappointed and upset…Lol. She’s so ready to be done with this pregnancy. By the time this was over, more than half the day was gone and we were starving. We went out for some lunch and got a call the crib was in, so we decided to forgo dress and shower shopping, go pick up the crib and start on the nursery. My anxiety and stress were mounting. Now we had only Friday to prepare for the shower, plus Erika really wanted to go to one more wedding boutique. So we did (deep cleansing breath). We went to the boutique first, and the first dress Erika put on, she looked in the mirror… and got her “Wow!” moment. This was the one. She still tried on a few more, but they paled in comparison to the first. She was STUNNING! Needless to say, we no longer need to go wedding dress shopping :)

We then somehow managed to finish shopping for the shower, including getting the food, and we headed home. We spent Saturday morning decorating and prepping food, then guests started showing up at around 1. It was open house style where people could come and go from 1-7. It was a HUGE success!!! So many people came and a good time was had by all! I don’t even know how to show my appreciation for all the support!! Kylie is SET!! So much love and words of encouragement, not to mention all the things people brought. I’m still in awe of all the positivity we’ve experienced. Thank you so very much to everyone!!!

I need to give a special thanks to Erika and her fiance, Eric. Without them, I couldn’t have pulled off the shower. They also had to put up with my anxiety. I love you two!!! Thank you to Cris, Kylie, Josie, Rachel and Emily too!!! You guys ROCK!!

We rounded out the week with a big family breakfast I prepared yesterday morning, a little chill time, then off to the airport to drop off Erika and Eric :'( What a GREAT week!!! Here are some photos of the events, minus the photos of dress shopping of course ;)

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Continuing the Celebration

A very good friend suggested bellycasting Kylie’s tummy, so we did this past weekend.  It was so fun!!!  She’s very artsy and is going to paint it.  It will then be displayed at the shower this weekend as a “guest book” for people to sign.  Then we’ll hang it in the nursery.  I cannot wait to see the finished product!

Kylie went to the doctor this past week and is dilated half a centimeter, the crib should arrive this week and my oldest arrives today from Denver for the shower this weekend.  I also have two friends on “ready” in case Kylie goes into labor while her dad and I are at work since we work 45 min away.  Things are moving along and we are just getting more and more excited…as well as a little nervous.  I’m so glad and feeling such relief in moving forward with excitement, instead of dread!

I saw a fellow blogger feature guest bloggers, including her family.  Since my husband has expressed interest in having his perspective shared, how would you feel about him being a guest blogger here?  Or should I interview him?  Give me your opinions…

 

Photos of the bellycasting…

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Shower One (a.k.a. Baby Brew), Done

 

 

 

 

1010584_10151538810171225_1575098769_nYesterday was Cris’ Baby Brew event (shower #1) and despite a couple of glitches, turned out beautifully!    Given the fact that it was a brew event, Cris opened it to the public on his CK Brewmasters FB page, so we had a couple show up, gifts in hand even, and we made instant friends with them.   It was almost like we always knew them :)  We had quite an eclectic mix of friends show up, and everyone fit together amazingly well.  We had an absolute blast!  It originally started as a “guy” event, but there were just as many women as men.  At one point, the women outnumbered the men!  I can’t thank everyone enough for coming and helping out!!

When Kylie woke up yesterday morning she had dropped and wasn’t feeling well at all.  She was nauseated, unbearably tired and just overall yucky.  But she made several appearances to open gifts and express her gratitude.  She needed to come in frequently to lay down, but hung in there like a trooper.  That was ok though.  Yesterday was all adults and was more about the beer brew than the baby.  Next weekend will be all about her and the baby and she will have several of her friends here, as well as mine.  Needless to say, there will be no beer :)

So today will be cleaning up from yesterday, and beginning the planning for shower #2!

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My Birthday, Father’s Day and Other Things…

Sunday was not only Father’s Day, but also my birthday. What I realized is, it was my last birthday before the next big milestone in my life…becoming a grandmother. So weird. I did a lot of reflecting, and the one thing I kept coming back to…So weird.  It wouldn’t matter if it was Kylie or one of the older girls under perfect circumstances.  The first time is just weird.

One of the main purposes of this blog is to open lines of communication between parents and teens. Parents talk to your kids.  Kids talk to your parents.  Parents, consider birthcontrol (I wish I had. I adamantly resisted for fear I was condoning the behavior). Kylie has learned that upon hearing of her pregnancy, a few of her friends have gone to their parents about being sexually active so they could avoid the same fate as her. I’m so glad!

Two weekends of showers coming up, and as of yesterday, Kylie’s doctor appts are now weekly. Where is the time going???  I’m not ready!!  I just want to push the pause button for about….forever :)  I’ve always operated better with things happening suddenly where I have to react immediately with no time to think about it, just do it. Having months to think has been hard. Too much thinking and anticipation. On the other hand, it doesn’t feel long enough to get ready, emotionally or physically. Make sense? Yeah, me either…LOL. I guess conflicting feelings are part of the process :)

I took Kylie to the doctor yesterday for a routine prenatal appointment and her boyfriend (the baby’s dad) came along. (Yes, so far, he’s hanging in there.)  I so love our doctor and her staff. They made him feel welcome and a part of everything. The doctor spoke directly to both Kylie and her boyfriend. He was very engaging, asking questions, talking Kylie through her blood draw (she’s a needle phobic like her mom, Lol), etc. The doctor made it very clear that she wanted him to ask questions during labor and delivery too, and for him not to be afraid. I was very impressed with her, which is why I’ve gone to her for the past 11 yrs.

Kylie and the baby are doing well. She’s measuring about how far along she is. She’s measuring 35 centimeters and she’s 36 weeks…YIKES!!! Thirty six weeks!!!  The doctor also told them what labor might be like, what to do if she thinks she’s in labor, what it may be like when her water breaks, and when to head to the hospital. Then filled her in on her options for meds during labor. Given the childbirth classes we’ve attended, Kylie knew all the right questions to ask. I was very proud of her. She’s taking this very seriously and being very mature about things. She’s even helping keep ME on track :).  I’m having so much fun with her!

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This Is Gonna Be Fun

Kylie and I had our first childbirth class last week and the instructor hit on the subject of labor plans and what the mom wants her labor to look like (meds, coaching, etc..) So I turned to Kylie and asked her had she thought about what SHE wants during labor, to which she quickly replied, “To get him out!” I thought I was gonna pee myself!  That’s just one example of her sense of humor finally coming back and how much fun this is gonna be! :)

The fun is truly starting to begin.  As I said, Kylie and I have started childbirth classes,  we’re planning two showers, one my husband is having and calling a Baby Brew.  It’s a baby shower/brew day in one (he’s a home beer brewer and wanted to have a guys version of a baby shower) and of course the slightly more traditional shower the next weekend.  We’re also starting to get things for “Taz” and prepare his room, and Kylie’s mood and attitude are amazingly good.  She’s gotten to where she’s comfortable sharing the baby’s movement experiences and being excited about it, and talking about the ups and downs of how she feels physically and emotionally being pregnant and about what’s to come.  She’s so cute and funny!!  I’m so enjoying finally seeing the old Kylie re-emerge.   We only have 5 weeks left and I’m praying we actually get that long to finish preparing.  I’m worried Kylie may go early, but at this point, we can make due thanks to some very generous people.  4C105FFEA5B44BB2B2D20F3CC4798AE0.ashx

Although I still experience my moments of “overwhelm”, I’m actually starting to get excited.  Things are good.   I know there are those of you who probably feel bad for us, or may wonder why we are allowing ourselves to get excited…I used to think the same thing when I heard about people in this situation (hence my post “Judging Others, Even If  You Don’t Realize It”), and even felt that way about our situation in the beginning.  Please know, this has been a very difficult road that finally lead to the conclusion…What else are we gonna do?  Continue fighting our reality and moping about it, causing all of us to be miserable?  No.  We did that.  I’m “Done With The Doom and Gloom”.  Now it’s time to accept, embrace and even celebrate.  So we are!

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Done With Doom and Gloom. It’s Time To Celebrate Dammit!! :)

After a week of continued negativity and emotion, I decided to take the bull by the horns, confront emotions and make a decision to cut “boat anchors”, and potentially anyone providing them, and start talking baby showers and preparation for a baby coming home.  We only have 6 weeks left and I reached my end with the negativity.  I’m not a negative person and needed to really evaluate how to move forward in a way that would be positive, not only for myself, but for my daughter and that precious little boy that will be here in a few weeks.  I really feared that any negativity in the house would make both Kylie and eventually her baby, feel inferior, unworthy and unwelcome.  That is not the home or environment I want to provide for my daughter and new little grandson.

Finally over the weekend, my husband started coming around.  He’s worked very hard to think differently and change his perceptions of life, and it seems he may be finally able to conquer his final obstacle…Kylie keeping the baby.  I’m very proud of his efforts and want to give him the credit he deserves.  It’s through the outpouring of love and support from family, friends and all of you that I was able to come around so well, so this is my attempt at giving him the support and encouragement he needs to turn the final corner.  He even wants to throw a guy’s version of a baby shower…Lol.  Kylie and I started talking about having a baby shower and that got him thinking.  He could participate in his own way.  He’s a home brewer, so he wants to have a brew day, invite a bunch of guys over and have each of them bring a baby gift.  I thought that was BRILLIANT!  I’m so happy to see he’s trying so hard and has come so far.   Now Kylie and I can breathe, start preparing and have a baby shower of our own :)

 

We’ve had so many people offer help, supplies, support and love.  I don’t even know how to adequately express (1) how much that has helped me and (2) how grateful I am.  Tonight, one of Kylie’s friend’s and her mom dropped off some baby items.  I don’t even know them!!!  How awesome is that???  I’m so proud of my older daughters too.  They have such wonderful attitudes about all of this and have helped my husband come closer to acceptance.  My oldest even requested we move the shower date a week later so she could be here for it.  She lives halfway across the country, but wanted to be here for her little sister.  She was so excited when I told her we would push the date out!

It’s time to celebrate…DAMMIT!! :)  And we’re gonna!!

 

 

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Judging Others, Even If You Don’t Realize It

Simulator baby week ended this past Sat.  Not sure it was worth the money, but I think it had more to do with the quality of doll the rental company sent.  It didn’t fuss during the day much at all.  It did fuss at night though and Kylie still had to get up and go to school.  After a day or 2 of being exhausted she adjusted because the stupid doll would stay quiet during the day while she napped after school.   I think I may need to resort to having her help some of my friends with their kids and have her babysit.  Anyone need a FREE babysitter?  :)

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, is how I now realize I judged others who found themselves with pregnant teens.  I’ve had a couple of friends and family members whose daughters became pregnant.  I just couldn’t understand how the parents could actually be happy about the pregnancy.  It seemed so bad and just surrounded by negativity.  What could possibly be positive about a teenager having a baby and why would they “allow” their teen to keep the baby?  I didn’t realize I was being judgmental.  I simply thought I knew better than they did.  I’m not usually a judgmental person, how could I possibly be judging others? Well, that’s exactly what I was doing.  Now I understand that.  The amazing thing is, those very same people are being incredibly supportive of us.  I can’t tell you how grateful I am to these family and friends, and am so sorry for what I may have thought, said, or felt at the time.  Although, I didn’t outwardly express my feelings to them, I don’t think anyway, I would expect to receive my Karma.

In light of this realization, judgement of others is something I feel I need to address.  Regardless of someone’s situation, whether it be a pregnant teen wanting to keep her baby or wanting to adopt it, whether it be someones religious or sexual preference, etc, we all have to make decisions based on what we feel is best for us and no one has the right nor  basis to judge them.  We aren’t in their shoes and have no idea what their circumstances are.  Therefore, how can we possibly know what’s best for them?  Who are we to judge others by how they live if they aren’t hurting anyone?

As it relates directly to our situation,  early on, as you all know, we tried to push Kylie to adopt.  She went along with it for awhile, but as the pregnancy is progressing, and with the influence of the father and his parents, she has now decided to keep the baby.  This was hard enough for me, but has been particularly hard for my husband.   But ya know, you reach a point where you realize you have so little control over certain situations, even when it comes to your kids.  I did a lot of reading and had a few people reach out to me through my blog, who had been in this situation and are now on the other side.  Some just a few years down the road and some many years down the road, and contrary to what I thought, the scars of being forced into a decision remain forever.  You don’t just “get over it”.  Not only do these people live with the deep regret of having given up their children, in most cases, it has affected their ability to bond with the children they had later in life under the best of circumstances.  Can you imagine being in your 20’s or 30’s, happily married and starting your new life and family only to end up feeling resentful and/or disconnected to the extent of  not being able to experience the blissful joy of having children again?  Then not feel connected or bonded to them?   That made me realize how many things had to be considered when thinking of Kylie and the baby.  When you are considering “the best interests of the baby” the birthmom certainly has to be considered.  There may be a much deeper “mother/baby” connection in play that may also affect the baby as he/she grows up, and that may be where the mother’s “selfish” need to keep the baby originates from…It’s called a maternal instinct.  So maybe, it’s not so selfish after all.  A connection that deep is not a choice the mother makes, it’s a gift given by God, or whatever higher power you believe in.  I understand that connection.  It’s one I’ve experienced with my girls.  There’s no way I could’ve given them up.  That maternal instinct is also starting to kick in with me for Kylie’s baby, which makes me question how I’d feel about giving him up for adoption if Kylie went that route.

Now, in an effort to bring this train of thought full circle, this level and course of thought can be applied to pretty much any decision one makes in life.  It’s simple… It isn’t our job to judge.  It’s our job to love and support to the best of our ability.  We may not know all the circumstances.  You don’t have to agree with a person’s decision to love and support them.  Also, just because someone lives or looks differently, doesn’t make them wrong.  It simply makes them…different.  It’s all about acceptance.

In closing, I need to express the deepest gratitude to those who have supported us, especially those in my family who are in our situation.  I’ve always admired your strength, but now I have a whole new appreciation and admiration for that strength.  You have given me a new perspective, you have enlightened me, and you have made me a better person.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart and the core of my being.

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My Happy Place

Simulator Baby Week is Finally Here

The simulator doll finally arrived this past Saturday…just in time for Mother’s Day. I have to admit, for the first couple of days I was afraid it was a waste of money. It would only cry about once every 3 or 4 hours during the day and Kylie would feed it or change it’s diaper…no big deal. We even made her take it with us to dinner for Mother’s Day and it only cried once then just laid on the seat next to her. Even Kylie was saying “wow, this doesn’t seem very realistic”. Then it woke up several times Sunday and Monday nights at which point Kylie told us the doll was “broken” because it was only active at night. We laughed! It was especially funny since Kylie herself, was most active at night as a baby!

This morning I heard her go downstairs at 5am so I went down to check on her. She was bouncing the doll so I asked her what she was doing.  She said “apparently it’s time for it’s 45 min rocking period. Mom I’m telling you it’s broken” I laughed and said, “No it’s not. That’s exactly what you used to do to your dad and me!” I explained how babies sometimes get their days and nights mixed up and that may be something she’s faced with when her baby comes along. She’s dealing with having the simulator  well, and taking it in stride, but it’s funny to hear her say the doll is broken because it’s so quiet during the day, and active at night.  I’m looking forward to what the rest of the week brings.

For those of you who are wondering…yes, Kylie has had to go to school despite how sleep deprived she is due to the simulator keeping her up at night.  This is real life and the life she’s choosing.  This is not punishment.  I see it as being my job as her mom to do everything I can, to help her understand to the best of my ability, the enormity of what it means to have and care for a baby…and this short 7 days is only a peek into her life as a mom.  Although I’m very aware that this will likely not change her mind about adoption, she needs to know what she’s getting herself into.  This is the whole point behind getting the simulator.

It’s kinda funny, being in the coffee industry keeps me acutely aware of how sleep deprived people are, most especially new parents, and Kylie needs to have as much of a peek into that side of parenthood as possible.

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A Little Advice To Pregnant Teens From Our OB

Kylie had her 30 week appointment with our OB yesterday. Thirty weeks!!!! Where is the time going?????

Anyway, our doctor graciously agreed to let me ask her a few questions for my blog. I only had time for 3 yesterday because the doctor was so conversational and so amazing with explaining her answers to Kylie. This woman has been my dr. for the past 9 or 10 years and I adore her!

Here we go:

Q.1) How does the development of a teenager’s brain affect their ability to comprehend the decisions they are making?  More specifically, when it comes to deciding what direction to go in when the baby is born, keep the baby or adopt?

A.1)  “Their brains aren’t developed fully and won’t be until about their mid-20’s.  Teenagers tend to see things in parallels that are disconnected, and that keeps them from being able to see the big picture.”  She then turned to Kylie and said, “Take advantage of the adult brains around you.  They can see the big picture and have the experience that can help guide you.  The decision is ultimately yours though.  You have to do what you feel is best and that’s a big weight to carry.”

Q. 2)  How does the lack of “brain development” affect their ability to then raise the child and make decisions for him in the event they decide to keep the baby?

A. 2.)  Again, they have to take advantage of the adult brains around them who have the experience and foresight.  That is extremely important.  Teens also tend to think the people around them will do most everything for them.  Again, she turned to Kylie, “So when someone says they’ll help you, what that means is, you do most of the work… and they help.”

Q.3.) How does a teen go about learning the different stages of child development to be better prepared for dealing with having and raising a child?  (I then went on to explain how overwhelmed I got when I was pregnant the first time, trying to learn everything I could about how to raise a child, child development , nutritional needs, etc.  I told her I finally had to close the books and put the magazines down.  It was too much.)

A.3.) She said, “I like that you said you finally had to put the books down. As I tell all my moms, it’s good to learn what you can, but you can’t learn everything.”  She turned to Kylie,  “Babies don’t read books and don’t really care what the books say” she chuckled.  “Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed with trying to learn everything.  Raising children rarely goes by the books.  When the baby cries and you know you’ve fed him, changed him, rocked him, and basically done everything you can think of, what are you going to do?  Pick up a book in hopes of finding an answer?  No.  You rely on your instincts and maybe even turn to your parents.  Books are a guideline, that’s it.  You’re a very smart girl Kylie.  You’ll figure it out and you have lots of experience and support around you.  It’s ok not to know everything.”

Of course there was a lot more conversation, but this was the gist of it.  I love my OB and I love how she talks to Kylie.  Very professional and motherly at the same time.

I also happened upon a new blog written by a pregnant teen who seems very well thought out and mature.  Below is a link to her blog.

Have a GREAT day!!